SSRI & Learning. Personal experience.
Hey buddy,
I haven’t written in a while. Mostly due to summer and my journey toward becoming a socialized goblin lord. I deal with people easily now and have a fun time without anxiety lurking around.
My goal got fulfilled quite well, and now it’s time to turn back to conventionally productive stuff. I noticed an ignored side-effect though…
I stopped using SSRI meds over a year ago (anti-depressants). I did not realize it, but gradually it affected my ability to engage in learning. A LOT. Look at this:
Without SSRI meds, I became a literal larval zebrafish. My goals were around my relationship with GF and other people. My libido was sky-high, and I wanked like 3 times a day.
I was an animal on autopilot. I studied VERY little during that time. 20 min max on each session. I did not have the mental capacity. Autopilot was more fun at the time.
Days pass and I start to notice a pattern: I wake up, think about my relationship, feel stressed, and do braindead activities all day… Rinse and repeat for several months. I lost my identity and enthusiasm to work on my own projects.
After I took my first SSRI pill again a few weeks ago, I let out a HUGE sigh of relief. Shortly after, it literally felt like the lights were switched back on in my brain.
Not figuratively, viscerally and literally.
This is the weirdest effect I noticed:
Off-meds, I used to love watching this guy (Syztmz) on Twitch. He streams gambling. Once I watched him at the gym even. I still do sometimes, he is hilarious.
I also watched HOURS of TikTok. Passive braindead stuff.
On SSRI meds though… You guessed it! Very little interest.
Never I enjoyed passive activities like watching Netflix or streams on SSRI meds. Not 4 years ago when I started the meds and not today.
In fact, I loathed passive activities and did not understand how people can endure such for hours. Once in a movie theater, I looked around and saw these non-learning whiffle-whaffles staring at the screen and thought to myself “What is this BS? I wish I was learning with SM”.
It is an insane difference in how I feel about these activities on VS off meds…
My brain feels much more active and that is why I want to exert that energy on something active, instead of passive (the lights switched on).
Productivity is a shitty reason to start medication (there is more than that), but you know… We have a limited amount of years on this earth, and I am happiest in this form.
Anyways, I did not want to ramble too much.
Basically, I wanted to say hi and let you know I am back to learning and doing interesting stuff again. I have some interesting concepts in drafts I want to discuss with you.
Anything you have been up to lately? Yes, you, I have like 20 subs and I know most of you. Let me know.
Niko
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